Tag Archives: being an adult

i’m still cookie dough.

So, I’ve been 30 for about three weeks now. And while turning 30 wasn’t a huge, life-altering thing to experience, saying “I’m 30” still feels strange and foreign on my tongue.

29 was a really good year. I got married, I traveled a lot, I did well at my job. For the most part, I felt like a functioning adult.

But there’s something about turning 30 that feels daunting for a lot of people, if not almost everyone. I know that it felt very much that way for me. It’s the end of a era, a notable transition from one decade of your life to the next. And the more I think about it, the more I realize that a lot of have a lot of preconceived notions about what you and/or your life should be like when you turn 30. We believe that we need to have achieved certain milestones or accomplishments before turning 30 or we’ve somehow failed ourselves.

I have friends who thought they needed to have done the following before turning 30: be married (or at least well on their way to being married), own a house or a car, understand how to create and maintain an investment portfolio, traveled internationally, climbed the corporate ladder, quit their 9-5 and chase their dreams, have a decent amount in their savings account… the list goes on and on and on. We all have a wide variety of intangible things we think we need to have done before beginning a new decade.

I know that my only stipulation for myself was “have your shit together by the time you’re 30.” And I honestly think I do. My marriage didn’t weigh into this, but traveling did. I own a car and hopefully next year, I’ll own a home. I have a savings account and I can pay off my bills with no issue or strain on my finances. I am doing well and, whether I like it or not, am now a 30 year old adult.

But, in the words of my favorite heroine*, I’m still cookie dough.

I think the fear of turning 30 also comes from the fear of being locked into who you are now or the life you currently have. As if it somehow can’t change once you leave your 20s behind.

I know that’s not true. I know that who I was at 25 isn’t who I am now. So who’s to say who I am now will be who I am when I’m 35? My life could look completely different then. There’s no real way of knowing but I learning to embrace the fact that the one constant will always be change.

Turning 30 is a milestone, just not to the extent I had dreaded it would be. If anything, I look forward to learning and growing and becoming whoever it is I’m meant to be. For this first year, and hopefully for a few more to come, I’ll try to live by this phrase:


So, I’m still cooke dough. I’m not done baking yet. But one day, I’ll be cookies.


*Brownie points to you if you know this reference, but for this who don’t, it’s from the series finale of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.


the last five years.

Just this afternoon, I got yet another email reminder about my five year college reunion. And while I’m looking forward to going with my friends, catching up with everyone and going to our homecoming football game, I started to think about how much can change in five years.

Five years doesn’t really sound like a long time, in the grand scheme of things. My 10 year high school reunion next year sounds much more daunting. But five years ago, I was 22 and my life was really different.


(I had just turned 22 in this photo and was visiting Austin for the first time.)

At 22, I was living in Austin. I was freelancing and job hunting and wondering if my degree would be of any use. I felt like I didn’t know how to make new friends. I was still a little hung up over the one guy I wasn’t sure I would ever get completely over. I drank a lot and ate pretty poorly. Overall, I made some not so great choices as I stumbled down the path of post-college life.

In the time between then and now, I have:
* Gotten three tattoos (two back pieces a small piece on my chest)
* Bought two cars
* Moved four times and across the country
* Had four different jobs
* Fallen in love
* Lived with a boyfriend for the first time
* Traveled outside of North America for the first time

And that’s just the tip of the iceberg. It’s only when I sit down and think about everything that’s happened that I realize that I’ve changed quite a bit. At some point, I became an actual adult. Do I have everything figured out? Not by a long shot. But I’m finally feeling secure about who I am and where I’m headed.

So this reunion will be an opportunity to reminisce about the fun times that were had in college, but also serve as a reminder as to how far I’ve come since then. Cheesy, I know.

Anywho, I have a three day weekend coming up, but only because we have to be out of our old apartment on Monday and that’s when the movers are coming. I’ve never hired movers before, so this should be an interesting (and hopefully stress-free) experience. Then I have less than a week to unpack as much as possible before said reunion begins and my friends come and crash on our couch. Here goes nothing!

weekend recap: cookies, Easter, and a malfunctioning MacBook

This weekend was exactly what I needed. There was a bit of traveling (driving back and forth from the ‘burbs is never really fun) but it was still relaxing and filled with food and family time, so I can’t really complain.

I made this amazing cookie recipe from A Cozy Kitchen on Saturday. I love the salty and sweet combination and they were also a hit with Alex’s mom. I definitely think I’ll have to make another batch sometime this week; the first batch was a trial version since I had to tweak the recipe slightly (I couldn’t get my hands on any rice flour). Still, I’m glad they still turned out so well!

Alex’s mom went to Target before we showed up on Saturday and bought the hilariously cute bunny glasses we’re wearing in the picture above. We’re total dorks so we wore them without complaint and of course snapped some pictures. We stayed the night in the ‘burbs and came back to Chicago on Sunday afternoon. The rest of the day was filled with laziness and Thai food. All in all, a pretty solid weekend.

Unfortunately, yesterday was a day of minor panic attacks induced by my MacBook. Turns out I let my battery get way too low in power (at about 5% or so) and even while charging, it wasn’t enough to power my screen. Cue me freaking out and worrying that my MacBook had finally bit the dust (just shy of 5 years old) and wondering how on Earth I would ever get anything done without it (as I had planned to spend my day working on various writing gigs). I left it to charge for an hour and when I tried using it again, everything seemed to be back in working. So WHEW, crisis averted. The last thing a broke freelancer like me needs is for their laptop to crap out on them. Especially when Apple up and decided to stop making my computer, so I’m always worried that if I end up at the Genius Bar with issues, they’ll ultimately be unable to help me. Which would be LAMESAUCE, Apple.

Anywho. I’ve been glancing back at the basic goals I set in January. I’ve managed to keep a couple of them, but I think my thing to do this month is really tackle them. I order some used books last week and can’t wait to have more reading material, especially during my commute to work. I also want to continue working on getting more freelance work (now that I’m a columnist for the RedEye and know that regular freelance work can happen if you look hard enough). Finding and keeping creative outlet is also a big thing to work on well. Here’s hoping I can pull it off. :)