where i stand on valentine’s day.

{via: ohgeezdesign on etsy}

So, I’ve never had much luck with Valentine’s Day. Or at least, up until now, that’s what I’ve always thought.

When you’re a kid, it’s not a complicated holiday. There’s candy and cute cartoon valentines that you hand out to your friends and classmates. You sneak the cutest valentine in your arsenal to your childhood crush, hoping he notices the sub-text of it (which was usually along the lines of: I am in love with you, please hold my hand in the playground). And that was essentially the gist of it.
Then you get older. You start dating. And things go progressively downhill from there.

My first boyfriend, who I dated when I was 14 and was madly in love with (because I was 14, clearly), gave me the requisite teddy bear and a heart-shaped box of chocolates. Our high school had a poorly put-together book of Valentine’s Day dedications that year and there was one for me from him. It was written in a handwriting that was clearly not his and my name was misspelled. I told myself it was the thought that counted.

My next “valentine” was my senior year of high school. Because he wasn’t my boyfriend, he wasn’t obligated to get me anything but I wished that he would. I think he gave me a mix tape and a hug.

I don’t think I was looking for grand gestures of love as a teenager. Maybe I just wanted something a little meaningful. Something that showed that these boys were capable of actual emotion and that they cared about me, even just a bit. More than a misspelled name (there’s only ONE L in my full name) and a mix tape worth. But I digress.

College wasn’t much better. I didn’t really date so much as I worked my butt off and went to the occasional party, kissed the occasional boy. Pined over my not-boyfriend from high school.

My senior year I met a guy, who was introduced to me by a friend. He got my number in October and didn’t ask me out until finals week. We dated for a couple of months before he broke up with me a week before Valentine’s Day. Harsh, right? At the time it felt like it. I went out with my friends and danced and drank instead. But I’m good friends with this guy now so no hard feelings. (But a week before Valentine’s? Jerkface. Ha, kidding! Sort of.)

And that’s been my experience with Valentine’s Day until now. I’ve had a string of weird dating experiences since college. None that resulted in a relationship, much less in a valentine. But to be honest, some of my favorite memories of Valentine’s Day were the ones I spent with good friends. When I was in Austin, I spent one with my good friend Freddy; we got brunch with a few other people, hung out, walked his dog around the park, and then got a heart-shaped pizza for laughs (and dinner). The following year, my friend Jackie and I roamed around Austin, getting yummy cupcakes and wine. Those have been my favorite memories of Valentine’s Day so far.

This year, I have Alex. My wonderful, loving boyfriend of 8 months (and counting). He kissed me this morning before I made my way to work and said, Happy Valentine’s Day. I told him about my experiences with Valentine’s Day a while ago. I told him that he didn’t need to take me out to dinner, buy me flowers or chocolates. A lot of girls have come to look forward to that sort of stuff, but I guess I’m not one of them. I was bitter for a long time and now I’m not. I’m happy, I’m loved. But I’m still ambivalent about Valentine’s Day. Single or taken, maybe it’s never really been for me after all. Tonight, I might make dinner with my boyfriend. I might go to the gym. I might go back to Trader Joe’s to get another bar of dark chocolate with Hawaiian black sea salt because OMG, SO GOOD.

So I don’t need roses. I don’t need heart-shaped chocolates (just one from Trader Joe’s). I don’t need stuffed animals. I don’t need a card. I just need him.

I’ll glad to be back after a long weekend at home. I’ll be back very soon with pictures of our fun, hectic weekend. :)

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One thought on “where i stand on valentine’s day.

  1. Pingback: happy galentine’s day! | daniela yvonne

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