It has been exactly one week since my life became a series of highs and lows. It’s strange to think that, over the course of just seven days, I’ve managed to feel everything from rage to giddiness. I was so upset I almost threw a drink in someone’s face and I laughed so hard that my face hurt.
Emotionally, I’m pretty much an open book most of the time. I don’t really believe in “reining in” my emotions most of the time. My temperament has evened out over the years (I think most people who knew me in say, high school, would say I was a bit too feisty sometimes) but when I feel something strongly enough, it tends to wash over me.
I was beyond upset last Wednesday. The best way to describe it was that I was pissed off, plain and simple. Details at this point are irrelevant, and I refuse to waste anymore time on it, but it just came down to being blatantly disrespected by someone I actually thought cared about me. And while wanting to take the remainder of the drink I had in my hand and throwing directly into this person’s face was almost my initial reaction (and would have felt really, really good), I instead walked off and took my anger and hurt with me. I then called one of the more awesome friends I have, vented, managed to laugh it off and then went to bed. Two days later, I was laughing hysterically almost all day at work due to jokes and general silliness. I felt a little hopeful at what the rest of October promises to bring and was almost, dare I say it, feeling pretty happy.
Fast forward to now, after a weekend (and a Tuesday night) filled with friends, drinks and conversations and a few work days filled with stress and worry. Ups and downs. Highs and lows. It can take a lot out of a girl. I feel drained, like I need to sleep for a full day just to regain some sense of self and energy. But I keep going, I keep pushing, I keep trying.
And in the end, I just have to learn how to be okay. And hopefully, that can be just enough… for now.