so you’re a year older. now what?

So my birthday came and went. All I ended up doing was swinging by Wicker Park Fest with some friends for a few hours, then coming home and ordering my favorite noodle dish from my fave restaurant and watching True Blood. The picture above is from a green ice cream treat that was brought to me courtesy of Carla telling our waitress it was my birthday, which in my opinion, is waaaay better than cake. And that was about it.

It wasn’t a huge deal, mostly because I didn’t really want it to be. No party, no dinner, no nada. And I’m not sure why. Birthdays are usually pretty fun to celebrate but… I couldn’t find the enthusiasm. It’s weird how that works, I guess. The whole concept this year just seemed really underwhelming. But not celebrating doesn’t exactly stop the aging process. I’m still 24 now, no matter what.

And I’m still no closer to figuring out just what the hell I’m doing. Or why I’m doing it.
I feel like I’m in the exact same spot. Like moving back to Chicago hasn’t changed a thing, even though I really wanna believe that it has. But things don’t seem any different. And I have no idea what I should do about any of it.

I know we all joke about the oh so common quarterlife crisis, but I feel like I’ve somehow how eased into that stage without really realizing it. Now I’m in full-blown crisis mode and I’m not sure what to do about it. And I wanna be hopeful, that something great is heading my way but I can’t help but feel like I’m going to be stuck going from contract job to contract job, with nothing to really show for it. So should I change my career path and do something completely different? Or should I just write and sling coffee for a few years, possibly for the rest of my life? I have no freaking idea.

Maybe it’s just a matter of trying to figure out what makes me happy. Maybe it’s doing something entirely different or keeping doing what I’m doing but eventually on my own terms. Who knows? I don’t think anyone I know really has the answer.

So for now, I’m 24. And I just have to wait and see.


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